Magick 2 Prayer Revived. Why I did this...

Ok so I had a blog named Magick 2 Prayer, started in 2015. I kept it around for 5 years. It pretty much rode along on my ups and downs in my ping pong Christian this week/Pagan the next relationship. Everything I said in that blog was from my heart but I didn’t feel right about them. Something was off. 

Then I had the blog Magick and Prayer, it was very very recent. That’s when I stated that I believed in Magick and Christ. You’ll find some of my blog posts in this new blog. I wanted them here to kind of show where my thought process started and the trail to where I am today. 

I decided to delete both of those blogs and create this revived one as a new clean slate. Even though I originally “received Christ in my heart in 85 at the tender age of 5” I didn’t truly receive him with no strings attached until two weeks ago. I thought I gave Him my all before hand but if that was the case then why did I fall from Grace so many times and why did I keep finding myself looking back at my Pagan Faith. It didn’t make sense to me, and I know it sounds completely crazy to you. 

I think it’s because I went to Him in fear. I went to Him feeling obligated to my family. I didn’t truly go to Him for me. I was raised in a Christian home. Most of my family are die hard fundamentalists. So I was raised believing the Bible and believing in the Son. However because of that upbringing I was a shallow believer without that personal relationship. He was a friend but I wasn’t. 

In 2004 I officially discovered Wicca and I was drawn in immediately. The deeper I dug the more in love I fell. Here was a faith that touched every place that I believed in. Love, kindness, tolerance. The Magick was also a major draw, it was like a beautiful way to pray and show myself to the deity. But it was a life that I had to live in silence and privacy. 

So from 2004 to 2015 I bounced between long periods of Paganism and short bursts of Christianity. Jesus was still tugging at me, but I couldn’t let go of my pagan faith. I loved it. In the beginning of 2015 I went through a period of dark depression. I was at an all time low, thinking the unthinkable.  I was thinking of leaving my family behind and venturing on my own so I could openly live my faith instead of hiding all the time. That was my rock bottom. I was married to my husband for nearly 13 years, I had 3 beautiful little girls (5, 2, and 1). And I seriously thought about abandoning them. So I called out in the dark and Jesus was there. He was my light in the dark, so in desperation I “gave” my life to Him. And I thought I was His forever this time, but still for three years I ping ponged again. I was unhappy, why couldn’t I settle in happily?  

In summer of 2018 I took my girls (8,5,4) to summer bible school and I sat in with them. I was shocked, appalled, and sickened by what I witnessed at this lesson. They were diehard creationists that taught my children that dinosaurs were on the ark. That dinosaurs still existed today here in my town. They handed out little attractive cards that told these kids that science was of Satan and that if your parents were Democrats then they were no better than Hitler! I was done. I was finally done. I refused to let my kids go back there and I took an imaginary axe and severed my ties to Christianity “forever”. I couldn’t follow a religion like that. There was nothing there that I agreed with except for Jesus. But He wasn’t even enough to hold me. 

In 2019, I had a meaningful discussion with a friend that had been with me through this whole chaotic journey starting in 2004. She told me to sit back and release both Christianity (which I already did) and Paganism. She told me to take time and just focus on me and what did I believe in, not what others told me to believe. She wanted me to have no influence no one to tell what to believe. And I took her advice. I took all that time to reflect. And I was happy. I found myself believing in Magick and Jesus so thus that blog was born. Jesus then started showing up everywhere and He started really making His presence known to my life. So I decided to bare my true soul with no outside influence and my beliefs revealed. I gave Him myself fully. He knows me and I’m learning about Him. We are developing a true relationship and friendship. I don’t have to change myself for Him, I don’t have to mold myself for Him. He gently impresses on my heart what is right and wrong in my life. Most of the beliefs that I adored so much in my pagan path are what He holds so close. Be kind to everyone, Stay gentle in all I do, Love unconditionally everyone even if they don’t love me. Those are my three core values. Those are His too. He is the Light that I’ve been seeking. He is my stronghold. I know I am unique and I am special and He is ok with that. As long as I seek Him and I listen to Him, I am doing everything else just right. 

This turned out much longer and more detailed than I thought it would be. But it’s what was laid on my heart. 

This blog is probably loaded with spelling and grammatical errors but I’m not going back through it right now so I apologize.