Lord, take this anger (James 1:19)

I have an anger issue. I have found myself filled top to bottom with anger. It seemed everything set me off and when it did I literally saw red. I could hear and feel the blood pounding in my head. My thoughts would be filled with violence and my mouth would release the worst words. Anger begat hate. And it was this anger and hate that lowered the curtain  on my relationship with Jesus. How could I love when I hated so much. Everything angered me, religion, politics, the world around me. This anger spread to those closest to me. I was either on constant offense or defense.l. I hurt a lot of feelings to those that I “loved” and I hated being this way. This wasn’t me. I am a happy, loving, joyful person. So instead of seeking Him, I set off to find happiness elsewhere. 

Yes it seemed to soothe my soul and gave me happiness. But it still didn’t fill the void that only His Light could fill. So as most of you know, I gave my whole life over to Christ. He has helped me accept that He loves me exactly as I am. He didn’t want me to have to fit in a mold. He made me unique and special. But still I dealt with anger in my body. 

I have asked Him to help me release this anger,  to let it go. And after a moment of reflection I feel peace and calm. That fire has dulled to a light simmer. And I trust that hopefully soon He will take even that. I don’t want anger to control my life. I want Jesus to have total control. When I walk in His Ways I walk in love and peace. 

With the health issues that I’ve been dealing with I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about what could happen. And upon looking into myself, I find myself completely calm and ok because I’m in His hands and I trust Him fully. That is a wonderful feeling. One I never ever ever want to be without again. 

I’m feeling like me again, like rainbows and butterflies. I know life can’t always be like that and bad things happen but I want to leave God in control and let Him bring me through. It’s not for me to take care of those that do wrong, He will take care of it. All I need to do is be me and stay me. 

Guys, I hope this makes sense to you as I’m writing exactly what is laid on my heart. 

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, James 1:19

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